Many years ago, at some point on my journey to love, I decided to write a list of traits that I was looking for in a partner; here it is to show you.
On reflection, it more looks like a list of what I felt was lacking in previous partners, and what I was truly longing for. I was looking for joy, vitality, fun, optimism, someone who loved travel as much as I did (and didn’t depend on my bank account to do it), maturity, emotional availability, and someone to nurture me. It’s a list of the things I could give to a partner and wanted to receive.
I think a lot of us women need to work on being more comfortable with receiving, and learning that a healthy, masculine partner, will want to give to us. A healthy partner will recognise what we provide to them (vulnerability, empathy, belief, love, nurturing) and will reciprocate freely. I see that there is more I could add to the list, but it is a good start.
Wiser me would now add ‘can give me a feeling of safety and security, ‘can talk things through and sees us as a team’. I would also realise that whilst the list helped guide me, being surer of myself and what I deserve was what I needed. And adult me now knows that the man of my dreams doesn’t drive a car, but he takes Ubers to where I am, and respects my desire to not drive when I’m tired. Sometimes the list changes, and that is perfectly ok, because we’re growing all the time.