The Couple's Therapist Who Couldn't Find Love

I was once a couples therapist who couldn't find love. In my new book, I open up about how I went from heartbroken and calling off a wedding, to finally finding a healthy, loving relationship.

By Phoebe Rogers, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist, Author, specialising in dating and relationships.

My book, When Will It Happen For Me?

It’s a very vulnerable feeling to be a couple’s therapist who can’t find love....

Who has a history of failed relationships.

Who wanted love so badly that she got engaged to a man who love-bombed her.

To have not seen the red flags.

To call off a wedding.

And for the couples you work with to notice the missing engagement ring on your finger.

To have to accept and own the truth of it.

To realise you don’t have it all figured out. And by it, I mean love.

It is vulnerable to be the person that people go to for relationship advice; and behind the professional mask your life is falling apart.

There's no shame in my story

Once upon a time, I did feel shame about this part of my story. I felt embarrassed that I didn’t see the red flags when everyone else around me did. I felt ashamed that I was single and alone, again.

Though today tells a different story. I am not ashamed of my past. I deeply understand it. I know it was the path I was meant to take. And I have nothing but compassion, genuine love and care for past me. She only wanted to find love. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

The truth is, our unhealed wounds propel us down a path of relationship disaster; because we gravitate to what is familiar. Not what is healthy, loving, or reciprocal. We keep repeating those patterns, sometimes until breaking point.

My story is unique in that it is the story of a therapist, a relationship ‘expert’ who couldn’t find love- and so I can tell this story through both a professional and deeply personal lens. My story is also human- it is one woman’s quest for love; her hiccups, stumbles, struggles, tears and heartbreak. It is a story I know so many women can relate to.

I decided I needed to tell my story. I needed to share my profound lessons in love with other women. I wanted to offer them hope. And above all, I wanted to offer them a roadmap in love. A roadmap that shows you exactly how to heal and find a healthy, loving, secure relationship. Spoiler alert- just like I did.

In my book, which is part memoir, and part self-help, I share how I went from my relationship rock-bottom, of calling off a wedding, to finding a loving relationship; firstly with myself, and then with a partner.

When Will It Happen For Me? Book

So, what can you expect from When Will It Happen For Me? A Shame-Free Guide To Finding Love on Your Own Timeline ?                

Key love lessons, including:

• Understanding your childhood wounds; they really matter when it comes to finding love

• Why you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners and how to change this

• Why you don’t need to be perfectly healed to find love

• How to be authentic and real in dating when you’re scared of rejection

• What it actually means to be vulnerable and the steps to do it

• How to apply inner child healing to dating and love; this is key

• How to date intentionally and never miss a red flag

• What works when it comes to finding and keeping love; from navigating the apps to managing relationship anxiety

• Being an emotionally available partner yourself

• Overcoming your shame stories and cultivating actual self-love

• What it means to be a grown-up in relationships; and stop the self-sabotage

And more!

As the couple's therapist who couldn't find love, I share my own pivotal relationship moments and lessons, including what my own therapy involved, as well as how these skills are applied to my clients.

This story is brave, big, bold, and transformative, and I truly believe it will help you navigate every step of your relationship journey. Most of all, it is about how a loving relationship with yourself is the base from which you will thrive.

Each chapter ends with therapeutic exercises- think, journal prompts designed to make you reflect, grow and heal. I lovingly wrote this book not just to share my story, but with the goal of sharing tools and prompts that will actually help you put everything into practice in your own life.

I cannot wait to share my book with you! I cannot wait to hear how it transforms your life.

When Will It Happen For Me? A Shame-Free Guide To Finding Love on Your Own Timeline is available 19th June 2025.

Sign up for pre-orders, updates, a book launch invitation here

When Will It Happen For Me? Book